Monday, June 1, 2009

Camilo Villegas: A Vampire?

(Images borrowed from the Associated Press, Getty Images and Yahoo)

(DISCLAIMER: The below facts are speculative. To all you ladies out there, Robert Pattinson makes no appearance in this story, whatsoever....Deeply sorry) 

All the success of "Twilight" has gotten me thinking about the undead and methinks Camilo Villegas is a vampire. Yes, that's right. Camilo Villegas, Colombian heartthrob, human clothes hanger and one of the KC's favorite sons.  Let's add up the factors, shall we? Painfully handsome? Check. Charming? Check. Superhuman strength? Check. Ability to effortlessly contort himself into pretzel-like shapes? Check.  

Now Camilo may not be finding any success in 2009, but does he seem particularly troubled? Heck no, and why would you if you were 111 years old and kept on truckin? Records discovered in his Gainesville home show that Camilo Villegas Restrepo was actually born in 1898 in Peru. Apparently an accident in his youth led to his being "bitten" by a Colombian vampire in order to save his life. Camilo then went on to live in Medellin, where he learned the game of golf. 

Now I'm willing to pass the whole 'being out in sunlight' thing off as a formality - vampires, like humans, have evolved through the years and it's thoroughly believable that given the right amount of SPF and polyester, a vampire could compete on the PGA Tour. Why do you think J. Lindeberg is making those 70+ SPF fieldsensor shirts? Other weaknesses? Word in the locker room is Nick Watney ate garlic bread every night during the Buick Invitational... 

Our guess is Camilo hasn't "dined" recently, which is why he's playing like garbage in '09. So if any ladies (or dudes) out there are interested in seeing Camilo perhaps contend in the U.S. Open, I happen to have a line on where Mr. Villegas (if that is his real name) is staying in the New York metro area in 2 weeks time. Could give new meaning to the oft-used match play term of "drawing first blood..." 

Stay tuned to the KC, your source for vampire-watching on Tour. (Big toothy grin)


Heather said...

LOL if you talk to Camilo soon I have a message I need you to give him, "Bite Me! Please?"

Chief Plays-With-Words said...

Camilo could be the battiest man on the planet.

One-Eyed Golfer said...


Nice! But, be careful. The New Yorkers at Bethpage are crazy enough without intimating there may be a vampire amongst them. Let them concentrate on Sergio.

Between his whining after the Masters and his devastation from losing Morgan Norman, they will wear his young Spanish butt out...